Print

[herpderptardslurp]

Hey guys,


I moved to China 11 months ago. Before I came, I only knew super basic things about Chinese like how to pronounce pinyin, a few simple characters, and a few useful phrases. Now I'm certainly not fluent, but I can have simple conversations with strangers introducing myself, asking basic personal questions, ask for directions, order food, buy train/plane tickets, etc. I am basically illiterate and can only recognize about 20% of the characters for words I know.  I study twice a week with a tutor.


I met a girl on a Chinese dating app. She speaks 0 English despite having studied for years when she was in high school. We're both 27. She kinda pretended to when we were chatting by text, but she was just using a translation app. When we met in person for the first time, I figured I'd just be as sexually and romantically aggressive as possible because I didn't think my Chinese was good enough to really date somebody who doesn't speak any English. I figured I'd try to "get away with" as much as possible and just try to push the limits. Unexpectedly, she reciprocated and seems to really like me. We made out after about 3 hours into the first date. All of our conversations are in caveman Chinese.

She's super cute, 160cm, c cups, tiny tiny waist, dark skin, pretty, never wears makeup, educated but between jobs (used to do marketing research).

I'm really conflicted. I knew from the moment I moved here that I'd never go back to the US and would be likely to stay in China forever, so no conflicts there. But I've also only been really studying the language for less than a year. We really can't communicate beyond a really shallow level. The physical/sexual chemistry is very much there and I'm really attracted to her and vice versa. I really wanted to pursue my PhD in HK or SG next year, but I feel like if I get with this girl, I'll have to take time off first to go study Chinese full time for 12-18 months to really be fluent. I currently work full time teaching math and economics.

My mom and dad met in Colombia when my mom was around my age now and her Spanish wasn't fluent yet and he spoke 0 English, but their marriage dissolved after 9 years so it's hardly a relationship worthy of emulating.


What do you guys think? Can this work? Or am i just doing mental gymnastics convincing myself it can work because of shallow and superficial reasons? Does anyone have any first or second hand experience with this kind of situation? Thanks!

[DonS]

Bro, this is awesome and true love story here. Here is the thing though, you can go and pursue your PHd and she can 'continue' to learn English since she already studied somewhat in high school. I think it will work, dont look at past or other examples; if you both truly love each other, then there is nothing else to see.

I am actually dating an asian girl right now but she was born and raised in Canada. We have been together for 2.5yrs now and still going; we havent had any issues or any personal boundaries. As a matter of fact, she is just the perfect girl that I need - a strong, smart, loyal woman who is by my side when I'm at my worst.

so tl;dr definitely give it a go!

[gh15]

can work indeed,, just verify she is no one of chan chu fat communistic spys since they love taking advantage of the west in the last decade,, but generaly speaking she should be million time beter than western girl and will treat you much beter and you wil be able to be a man with her rathr than a pussification like most western males in 2016,,

defnitly go for it,,

gh15 approved

[herpderptardslurp]

Bro, this is awesome and true love story here. Here is the thing though, you can go and pursue your PHd and she can 'continue' to learn English since she already studied somewhat in high school. I think it will work, dont look at past or other examples; if you both truly love each other, then there is nothing else to see.

I am actually dating an asian girl right now but she was born and raised in Canada. We have been together for 2.5yrs now and still going; we havent had any issues or any personal boundaries. As a matter of fact, she is just the perfect girl that I need - a strong, smart, loyal woman who is by my side when I'm at my worst.

so tl;dr definitely give it a go!

I guess I should clarify: this is where I'm facing a huge obstacle. Being with her necessitates me staying in mainland China, and likely in the same city. Like almost all Chinese girls, she's very close with her mom and dad and doesn't want to live far away from them. Chinese are very family oriented, which is one of many reason i like them.

Doing a PhD in my field in mainland China is really pointless; my American master's degree is already worth more than all but 2 Chinese PhDs. I would have to leave for HK/SG/Australia/UK/somewhere more "civilized" to get a PhD that would allow me to get a tenure track job at a university in China. Right now I teach at an elite private high school and hold a part time appointment at a crappy university. I really want to be a full time university professor, but I also really want to be with this woman. I don't think it's realistic to do both, and then add in the work it's going to take to keep closing our language barrier.

FWIW almost all universities and good high schools here have an "international department" where classes are taught in English.

[BFK]

Been in your shoes before, dated a Japanese foreign exchange student who spoke very little English. Enough I could understand but still helped her wrote her papers kind of deal.

Good news is most communication is nonverbal and you'll learn more speaking the language than you will in any class room. Just enjoy and give it time. And like LoJ said, she will treat you better than any westernized girl. Ask me how I know lol

[DonS]

Been in your shoes before, dated a Japanese foreign exchange student who spoke very little English. Enough I could understand but still helped her wrote her papers kind of deal.

Good news is most communication is nonverbal and you'll learn more speaking the language than you will in any class room. Just enjoy and give it time. And like LoJ said, she will treat you better than any westernized girl. Ask me how I know lol

Yes, this is true; they are more loyal to you as compared to a westernized girl. It could be relateable to the culture, upbrining etc I guess

[Disgruntled]

Me and my wife couldn't communicate easily when we first met, I fell in love with her on our first date and we could hardly say a word to one another. The language barrier slows the relationship, which is a good thing as you take time to learn about one another. I personally really enjoyed having to learn to communicate, it made me more attracted to her and it was interesting.

You have a better chance with a girl from that way, Western women are mostly corrupted and I wouldn't waste my time with them. As a whole they lack respect for themselves, never mind others, have twisted values, often very materialistic and are quite ugly inside. Be a good, strong man, be respectful and treat her well and if she is a good woman you will reap the rewards. 

[herpderptardslurp]

Short update: She had to move back to a nearby city for her job and was unable to get her company to transfer her here. She comes back here about 2-3x/month


It's about 3 hours from my house. Distance+language barrier together is too tough I think. I'm halfway grateful though; I don't have to make a tough decision now and I don't like the idea of prioritizing another person over my own development at this stage in my life. I hope that'll come later in my 30s/40s.

Here's a pic though! I don't think faces are against the rules for non-members/non-athletes. She's very fit despite not lifting because she does extreme motocross racing. Very atypical for a Chinese girl, yet not at all westernized. Good combo!

[Disgruntled]

Short update: She had to move back to a nearby city for her job and was unable to get her company to transfer her here. She comes back here about 2-3x/month


It's about 3 hours from my house. Distance+language barrier together is too tough I think.

Here's a pic though! I don't think faces are against the rules for non-members/non-athletes. She's very fit despite not lifting because she does extreme motocross racing. Very atypical for a Chinese girl, yet not at all westernized. Good combo!

There was 1200 miles between us when we first met. I flew out to her ever 3-4 weeks.

[Alpha Dog]

its hard to communicate with girls even when they speak our language lol.

[Disgruntled]

The less they can moan about in your language the better lol

[herpderptardslurp]

Well... while she was away I dated an English speaking girl who has some low level english teaching job. And then she, too, decided to move away but formally broke up with me too. And coincidentally the girl from my OP is moving back after being dissatisfied with mega metropolis life. LOL, great timing.

Disgruntled, I wanna hear your full story. By PM if you don't want to share publicly.

[Donny]

well i remember when i was an 18 year old Boy my first sex Encounter with a German woman. was not Long in Germany and was out with a couple of guys in a Bar. The Girl behind the bar liked me and my mate tapped off with her friend. so i got free drink and later we went back to the barmaids flat. so my mate was in the living room with his Girl and i thought where the fuck is my Bint? The booze must have slowed down my brain...the other Girl said in English, she is waiting for you in her room. so i thought ok chick likes the cock...no Messing around here! well i went in the dark room and fumbled around.. she said in brocken English, Fuck my ass. she liked it in the dirt box. was my first time doing this to a woman. I had no lube just spat on my Hand, rubbed my cock and went in raw. she could not speak much English but we were able to communicate with cock & pussy talk. Germany is great... you drive along the road and there is the "Layby Lills" sitting in their Campers at the road side... quick bit of head after work...no probs.

[The_BMW]

well i remember when i was an 18 year old Boy my first sex Encounter with a German woman. was not Long in Germany and was out with a couple of guys in a Bar. The Girl behind the bar liked me and my mate tapped off with her friend. so i got free drink and later we went back to the barmaids flat. so my mate was in the living room with his Girl and i thought where the fuck is my Bint? The booze must have slowed down my brain...the other Girl said in English, she is waiting for you in her room. so i thought ok chick likes the cock...no Messing around here! well i went in the dark room and fumbled around.. she said in brocken English, Fuck my ass. she liked it in the dirt box. was my first time doing this to a woman. I had no lube just spat on my Hand, rubbed my cock and went in raw. she could not speak much English but we were able to communicate with cock & pussy talk. Germany is great... you drive along the road and there is the "Layby Lills" sitting in their Campers at the road side... quick bit of head after work...no probs.

German girls are great and don't care if you don't speak German. Condom on "Nein Kinder"

[Donny]

well i remember when i was an 18 year old Boy my first sex Encounter with a German woman. was not Long in Germany and was out with a couple of guys in a Bar. The Girl behind the bar liked me and my mate tapped off with her friend. so i got free drink and later we went back to the barmaids flat. so my mate was in the living room with his Girl and i thought where the fuck is my Bint? The booze must have slowed down my brain...the other Girl said in English, she is waiting for you in her room. so i thought ok chick likes the cock...no Messing around here! well i went in the dark room and fumbled around.. she said in brocken English, Fuck my ass. she liked it in the dirt box. was my first time doing this to a woman. I had no lube just spat on my Hand, rubbed my cock and went in raw. she could not speak much English but we were able to communicate with cock & pussy talk. Germany is great... you drive along the road and there is the "Layby Lills" sitting in their Campers at the road side... quick bit of head after work...no probs.

German girls are great and don't care if you don't speak German. Condom on "Nein Kinder"

you dirty man..you been to Hamburg

[Donny]

Whores have a real Job in Germany. they get controlled too. It?s hard to explain this to some UK People. I remember one pimp i knew who was in a very well known 1% MC who trained in our Gym. Was always friendly and one of his Girls used to Train with him. I was asked to get to know the MC. I am not really a Biker. They are big in the UK too. spreading more and more in Germany. when i was a Young guy(15) i was introduced to them from a neighbour who was not a patched member but knew them.

[djufo]

If the relationship works or not has nothing to do with language. If neither can understand a single word that would be problem, but when theres chemistry title by little theres always ways to communicate and teaching each other becomes easy.

If it doesn't work, or if it didn't work because this thread is old, it would be not because of language, but because of work, location and other aspects that can end ANY relationship, not just one with a language barrier.

I personally speak English, fluent Spanish, and have dated Brazilian girls to which Im addicted to. Now I speak Portuguese form dating a few but at the beginning not speaking it was never a problem. If she understand a few words and you understand a few works, its enough IF the chemistry is there.